Tradition can be a very good word....

I don't know how many of you have Family traditions, (my suspicion is that most of you do) but if not you should work extra hard to establish a few! Traditions can become powerful statements about what is important and what matters most!
Recently Ruthie (my wife) was explaining to a co-worker one of our Christmas traditions. Every Christmas we purchase a movie or one of the classic Christmas specials to watch as a family. On Christmas eve our family gathers together to watch the video but not before our children check out what is in their Christmas stockings (which this year for the first time in a long time, we did not have the chance to hang above a fireplace BUT we did get to hang them up together as a family all under one roof... for more on that, read my earliest blogs!). Also on Christmas eve our kids for the past ten to twelve years have received new Christmas pajamas. As they dig into their stockings and put on their new jammies, we sit down to watch a movie and drink Hot Chocolate!
After Ruthie explained this Daniels tradition to her co-worker they remarked..."Really?!? Our family should do something like that!"

And so I am writing to you to say.... Yes... if you don't have anything like that you are doing as a family... it's still not too late, Christmas eve and Christmas day are a few days off... come up with some simple tradition that will help your family to remember what matters most.

Have a great Christmas and a safe New Year!

A memorable Christmas season...

i grew up in a home with a single mom and remember always having a blast at Christmas! i am fairly confident that my mom didn't make a ton of money but i remember getting toys that i probably did not deserve. In addition one of my most powerful memories was getting to go to Radio City Music hall in Manhattan to see the annual Christmas show and the Rockettes. There was nothing like watching all the singers, dancers and then finally the big guy himself Santa, up on the stage welcoming Christmas to New York City!

When i was a kid we had the world's coolest (at least i thought so) artificial Christmas tree. Most people would say that the tree was ugly, hideous and tacky but to me it embodied what this time of the year was all about! As a matter of fact these Aluminum trees are enjoying a bit of a renaissance.... you gotta' love that!

Anyway we went out a few days ago actually the weekend of Thanksgiving and got our Christmas tree. We called around a few places and found out that we were a long way away from the days of our first Christmas tree purchase the very first year of our marriage... when we brought a six foot Canadian Douglas fir home for $2.50!
That right two dollars and fifty cents! But in this area that same tree could cost anywhere from $40 to $60! So we packed the family in the van, stopped at one of our favorite coffee shops to get drinks for everyone and drove out west for about 45 minutes. We cut our own tree down, had it shaken and baled for a grand total of $30... not cheap but a lot less that we first thought we might end up paying, there not too much funnier than a family of six trying to decide which tree looks the most Christmas-y! Especially when the youngest member of the family insist on whacking everyone with broken tree branches insisting that he's got a light-saber in his hands!

The live tree is one of a total of four scattered throughout the house. i will say this the tree looks great in the house. Not quite as nostalgic as the aluminum tree i remember but close!

PS. Enjoy the following link.... Holiday Fun!

Consider the times...

Can i ask a question....

What do the following characteristics remind you of…

• Tolerating all religious beliefs, philosophical teachings, and government systems made ultimately compatible, or a reflection of, a larger system…

• An obvious disparity between rich and poor....

• A government that requires heavy taxation of its people…

• Women being considered second-class citizens…

• A culture very interested in the supernatural…

• A culture thriving on syncretism – seeking to have all people maintain their own traditions and philosophies, and yet seeing them all under a general governing perspective…

If you were thinking of our nation, the United States... you would be incorrect. The above characteristics marked the 1st century world of the Roman empire.
It is this world that Jesus was born into... and it was perfect timing....

But when the fullness of the time was come,
God sent forth his Son, made of a woman (Gal 4:4 KJV)

There is much to be learned from the 1st century world that Jesus was born into... it would seem that for all of our technological achievements and sophistication in this current century... the more things have changed the more they have stayed the same.
Perhaps that is part of the reason this simple story of a babe in a stable feeding trough (manger) wrapped in rags (swaddling clothes) still inspires awe over 2000 years later... I love that!

I'm Thinking of...

....an incredible wife...
....four great kids that are amazing and continue to amaze
....a staff that are I call friends
....a church that truly loves all people
....in-laws that love the church
....people that live in places like Edmonton, Indianapolis, Lincoln, Avon, Noblesville, Cromwell, Calgary, Love's Park, and all over Chicagoland
....freedom in this life and in the life to come
....an opportunity to make history
....a warm bed to lay down in at night
....the ability to watch the snow that is falling outside my door
....the food that currently sits in my refrigerator
....great books
....the right to teach our children in our home
....a nation that is a great idea come to life
....my failures and my successes
....forgiveness for my deepest faults
....this quiet moment

and my challenge is to never take any of this for granted and to strive instead for an attitude thankfulness every single day!

Have a great Thanksgiving!

Do You Feel Old?!?

Serving as a pastor for now about twenty years, it was bad enough when the kids from my first ministry in Calgary, Alberta started having their own children... but now comes another blow...

... this past week my oldest son went and took his driving test for the state of Illinois and passed.

There it is... another official notch in the proverbial "you're an old dude" gun!
It's not all that bad though... I mean the fact is, his Mom is technically even older than me (Don't worry, she never reads my blog... just sort of nods when I tell her about it and says "Uh-huh...")!

It was almost like an out of body experience watching him back the car out of the garage without his mom, another adult or me riding "shot-gun" as it were. He still has a lot of learning to do in my book and the state has the audacity to tell him he is ready to drive our family vehicle without his mom or me in the car with him? Who do they think they are?!?

He looked so.... "independent".

Does that make sense?

It was almost like he didn't need his mom or dad for anything at that point. I mean, I know that's not completely true but the driver's license thing is a significant rite of passage to adulthood in our culture. This is one of those critical points at which what we have invested in our children as they have been and continue to grow into adulthood pretty much shows up.

I'll tell you this much... my son is blessed to have his Mom as his mom because every fiber in my body screamed not to let him even begin learning how to drive... oh it's not that I don't trust him, because I trust him implicitly. I am just not sure about the other 17 year olds out there on the roads.

The upside to all of this however is that having another driver in the family has been helpful... the next hurdle however is on the horizon and getting ever closer (*gulp*)... college.

Man, I'm old.

Does It Ever Stop?!?

DNA Discoverer: Blacks Less Intelligent Than Whites
Paul Wagenseil, FoxNews Thursday, October 18, 2007

James D. Watson, 79, co-discoverer of the DNA helix and winner of the 1962 Nobel Prize in medicine, He recognized that the prevailing belief was that all human groups are equal, but that "people who have to deal with black employees find this not true."

Acknowledging that the issue was a "hot potato," the lifelong Democrat and avowed secular humanist nonetheless said his beliefs were not an excuse to discriminate against blacks.

"There are many people of color who are very talented," said Watson, "but don't promote them when they haven't succeeded at the lower level."

He told the interviewer, a former student of his, that he had recently inaugurated a DNA learning center near Harlem, and would like to have more black researchers at his lab, "but there's no one to recruit."

Uh... maybe it's just me but I think the next article seems to make complete sense in terms of sequence...

Controversial DNA scientist retires
MALCOLM RITTER, AP Science Writer Thu Oct 25, 11:45 AM ET

James Watson, famous for DNA research but widely condemned for recent comments about intelligence levels among blacks, retired Thursday from his post at a prestigious research institution.

Watson shared a Nobel Prize with Francis Crick and Maurice Wilkins in 1962 for co-discovering the structure of the DNA molecule. He is one of America's most prominent scientists.

In his statement Thursday, Watson said that because of his age, his retirement was "more than overdue. The circumstances in which this transfer is occurring, however, are not those which I could ever have anticipated or desired."

…. A profile quoted him as saying that he's "inherently gloomy about the prospect of Africa" because "all our social policies are based on the fact that their intelligence is the same as ours — whereas all the testing says not really."

Excuse me... but I must admit that I for one, am not disappointed that such a "brilliant" man as Dr. Watson is obviously shown to be not so "brilliant" after all.

Is this what happens when you begin to drink your own intellectual "Kool-Aid"?

This is the sort of thing that never ceases to catch me off-guard... perhaps I should be more cynical but I am not... so when a "scientist" jumps out of his lab with "ground-breaking" news like this I don't know about anybody else but it's more than hurtful, it makes me angry.

Nothing like having your kids hear about how they are "intellectually inferior" or how they can't/won't succeed at a "lower level" (whatever that means).

Anyway, any thoughts are welcome... you can post them right to my blog for everyone to read, that would be awesome!

Simple is in...

After a very long and arduous month of ministry activity our church staff had the opportunity to get together for a staff retreat and before I write anything else let me be clear... there is no other group of people I'd rather serve with than the church ministry staff that I serve with right now! I love you guys very much... despite the fact that a couple of you (and you know who you are) continue to deny me my rightful 1st place prizes year after year at our staff retreats... but I'm not bitter...

At any rate we went to a great spot that was graciously made available to all 12 of us for a couple of days (thanks Mr. & Mrs. D...)! While were there, we as a staff had the opportunity to tackle the issue of "complexity" in our current ministry. It was absolutely refreshing!

The challenge laid out for us was to think about how we might simplify our ministries. We were not looking just for the sake of doing less but in fact accomplishing more! I know, it doesn't seem to make sense but using several principles advanced in Rainer & Geiger's, "Simple Church" we began the process of considering the issue of whether or not we've begun to over program ourselves and are on our way to becoming just another "cluttered" church!

"To know Christ fully and make Him known..." along with what is referred to as our "simple six" is to be our focus. The next several weeks as we continue to work on simplifying should be a blast! I'll keep you posted on our progress!

The Most Segregated Hour of The Week.... Sunday Mornings@ 10AM

The last few weeks have absolutely flown by as we have launched back into a very busy season of the year here in Chicagoland!

Probably the most one of the most exciting things that has happened in the last two weeks was a recent weekend seminar called "CLD: Tier 2" led by sociologist and author Dr. George Yancey! As a part of our continuing look at what it means to be a "Kingdom Citizen" here at Westbrook, Dr. Yancey spent time with us discussing "The Multi-Racial Church & Kingdom Citizenship".

Using his newest book Beyond Racial Gridlock as a starting point of sorts we spent Friday evening taking a look at:
1) How We Got to Where We Are (in terms of racism) &
Secular Approaches to Racism

On Saturday morning we examined:
1) A Biblical Response to Racism

It was an eye opening experience and a great challenge to us all! One of the most intriguing things that Dr. Yancey shared with us is the powerful catalytic, pace setting example that the church in the United States could set for the rest of our society if Christ-followers would truly commit to creating multi-racial and multi-ethnic churches all around our nation!

We hope to have him back in our area soon perhaps as part of a regional Mosaix conference within the next several months!

If you are interested in finding out more about our recent event here at Westbrook, drop me a line and I'd be glad to share more with you about this fantastic Tier 2 event!

Not the time for Hide-n-Seek.....

Do you have anyone in your life that ask you the "hard" questions? i mean those questions that strike at the heart of being a person of character and depth... questions that regularly expose your own predisposition to be a self-centered, selfish, sinful person?

If your answer is no.... bad answer.

Here is the deal, most of us mistakenly believe that somehow we can hide from the people around us and others... that somehow no one will ever uncover the behaviors that have the power to destroy us.
That is just not true, it's not true at all.

As a matter of fact, if no one in your life is asking you hard questions or if you are "hiding", when your "stuff" finally does come to light, you will find yourself begging, pleading for relief from the pain of exposure and embarrassment.

Yes... i am talking about being laid bare from the inside out!

Why?

Because we were made to be known by others... it's one of the ways we navigate this sometimes treacherous thing known as life. Unfortunately for most of us, it will take being "caught in the act" before we stop engaging in potentially destructive habits.

When i was a kid, i was intrigued by cigarettes,yet in my head i also knew they weren't good for me, but i would steal them from my mom or my uncle (who lived with us at the time) and go someplace and smoke them. i did this for a few weeks and always managed to not get caught but i also got more and more brazen (or maybe careless) about the whole thing.
One day i decided to steal the cigarette AND light it up before i snuck out of the house... as i came down the steps to head to the door i was confronted by my uncle at the bottom of the steps... who asked me..."what is that smell?" (i'm sure he knew exactly what that smell was... he was a cigarette smoker for heaven's sake!).
As i tried to hide the evidence behind my back (can't you just see it now... little kid, standing there with a cloud of smoke trailing from behind him, smoke encircling his head his head... trying to act all calm and cool), the lit cigarette proceeded to burn my little kid fingers, upon which i dropped the lit cigarette, tried to step on it to further hide the evidence but was summarily busted... and it was probably the best thing for me... to get caught that is.

The fact is, it would have been even better for me to have never been messing with that stuff in the first place... if there had been someone who i thought i could talk to about my unhealthy fascination with smoking, the tempting open cigarette packs around the house, my desire to be seen as cool by friends on my block... but then again i was just a kid... maybe six or seven at the time...

Can i ask you a question.... what's your excuse?

I Think I Have Avoided This Long Enough.....

This week i had someone that i love, appreciate and loves a good verbal joust (but i would never say his name er... my little brother) in a light-hearted way give me a bit of hard time for seemingly to steadfastly avoid discussion of a several issues that have hit our nation's news wires and airwaves pretty hard over the past several weeks... the fact that i wasn't kicking these issues around for conversation here on this blog seemed to be a bit out of place for me he said.

i agreed... i have been avoiding a couple of "hot-topics" of late... in particular the one topic i have truly been loathe to talk about is the entire Michael Vick catastrophe.

What is there to say? As far as i am concerned, to borrow an idea that i read in a recent e-letter this week... "we should have seen this one coming...."

i mean think about it.... all around us we have people who think brutality to one another (UFC), brutality on celluloid (Saw IV... gimme a break) and brutality in music (misogynist lyrics, b**ch, H*'s, et al.) is perfectly okay as a matter of fact...it's big...no scratch that.... HUGE business.

Don't misunderstand, it in no way, shape or form makes what he has agreed that he did...right... i just wonder who are we kidding... is this unfortunately, what we have become?!?

So... let the conversation really begin....

Getting What You Want... Not always a "good" thing....

Have you ever wanted something so badly that when you did get it, you wondered what you were thinking in the first place?

It is somewhat ironic that often that one thing that we are absolutely convinced will make us "happy" or "fulfilled" turns out more often than not to be the thing that almost ruins us!

i remember a few years ago sitting around my house in the far western suburbs of Chicago thinking that if i had the chance i would jump at the opportunity to be a co-pastor of a church. i recall even thinking that God was giving me all the "go for it" signals on this idea that anyone could ask for... friends who affirmed my leadership gifts, conversations regarding an emerging, new "shared" church leadership paradigm and the ultimate... an unsolicited phone call, offering the "opportunity of a lifetime" helping to co-lead a church in another part of the country!

WOW! What else could an earnest, eager and more than slightly immature person ask for?!?

Well several years later, i realized i should have asked for a whole lot else!

• Did the experience allow me to develop more as a leader?
• Was the experience necessary for future opportunities that might come my way?
• Was the experience fun?

The answers: Yes... Probably.... and only if you think of having teeth extracted from your face as a "good time"!

i often found myself during those several years wondering how could i have misunderstood all the "signs"? And you know what? i never really came up with a truly satisfactory answer. i did however realize that one must exercise extreme caution when thinking or believing you have come across your supposed "opportunity of a lifetime"!

i also believe that one of the most painful prayers that can be answered "yes" is the one prayer you pray to get that one thing you have always "thought" you wanted... and you get it.

PS. Oh yeah, one more thing... this past weekend at our church we celebrated with 34 baptisms! It was an awesome way to end a great summer!

I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watchin' Me....

Running a bit late on this post but it has been a been a bit of a hectic week.... good but hectic!

i saw something happen the other day that i thought i would share because it was pretty disturbing although i am not real sure why....

In preparation for an upcoming training meeting for some leaders of our small groups i went to a local grocery store to purchase supplies. What is interesting is this is a local store where members of my family and myself constantly recognize people from our congregation and they recognize us. i am almost certain that every time i go to this store i see someone that i know.

Anyway, as i was leaving the store to return to my car i saw someone that i knew but i could tell they were in the middle of talking on the phone so we never acknowledged one another. However, since my car was a couple of rows away from them i could clearly see him but he never saw me. One of the things i also noticed was that this person was parked in the "Handicapped Only" parking stall... which was strange because as far as i know this person is not handicapped at all. Now all of a sudden a wave of thoughts hit me like a ton of bricks... first i thought..."They know better..." then i thought, "They don't get it..." only to be followed by, "i wonder how many people see me do "something" in public and think these same thoughts about me?". Ouch!

i came away from that experience reminded that before i begin pointing out the stuff in my neighbors' backyard, maybe i should focus on cleaning mine first. It's easy to condemn someone else but that is the problem isn't it? Taking a closer look inside of ourselves before jumping to conclusions about others and their actions is a lot more difficult than it sounds.

My gut feeling is if we were to as individuals commit to this type of "fearless self inventory" on a regular basis, i bet a ton of finger pointing, tongue wagging and blaming would cease or at the very least, ease up a bit....

My Leadership Summit Experience

This past week on Friday i had the chance to go to Willow Creek Community Church in South Barrington, IL for the right price... FREE!

One of the guys who interestingly enough, previously served on the staff of the church i serve at Westbrook, is the person that allowed me to tag along with him. As a matter of fact, Mark served in the same position that i currently fill at our church... Pastor of Spiritual Formation.

At any rate, the day i attended The Leadership Summit was absolutely phenomenal! The first speaker that i heard was former Secretary of State, General Colin Powell.Unfortunately he was not able to be on site for the event but there was a recorded interview between he and Senior Pastor Bill Hybels. All i could think about was how much i would have loved the opportunity to be one of the soldiers under his command! His insights on leadership (The Powell Principles) were simple but powerful. The other thought that continue to occur to me was "Man, i wish he would run for President..."

i also listened to John Ortberg, Senior Pastor at Menlo Park Presbyterian Church in Menlo Park, California. John was a teaching pastor at Willow Creek before he moved out West. The topic he tackled was "A Leaders Greatest Fear". Very, very challenging! In particular the concept of the leaders' "shadow mission" versus "authentic mission" made for a very uncomfortable topic. Using the Old Testament book of Esther as a backdrop, he did an incredible job of making it possible to hear a pin drop!

These events are especially powerful for me, it's as if they fill my own "leadership tank" and remind me of why i do what i do... so next year if any of you plan on trying to attend this event , give me a call.... i'll take the FREE ticket!

Nothing To Talk About?

This is crazy... i am sitting here having made the commitment and attempting to follow through on writing for my blog at least once a week thinking to myself... "i really don't have anything to say this week" which is sort of strange because typically i have something to say or at least write. But not this week.

Don't know why, but it's true... even as i write this i am thinking...."No one is going to read about how you have nothing to write about...you numb skull..." More of that negative self-talk... i thought i had worked through that but it comes back every now and then... it's a little like that really annoying relative that you know every few months you're going to have to deal with at the next family gathering.

Anyway, while there is a lot going on in our home, in our church and in our lives... generally speaking we continue to enjoy our transition to life in Chicagoland. i haven't forgotten about getting photos posted to this blog of a couple of recent missions trips that different folks in my family took to Mexico and Atlanta, Georgia. As soon as the photos are ready there will be a link directing you to the photo albums, i appreciate your patience.

Oh one more thing... next week i hope to make a trip to Lincoln, IL where i will participate in a Seminary Orientation day... i am planning on picking up where i left off a few years ago with regard to my graduate degree. i am looking forward to the challenge of graduate studies this fall. i am continuing work on an MA in Leadership Studies. One of my dreams is to eventually complete a Doctorate degree in Leadership Development (i know, i know, i know... at heart i really am a geek). The concept of leadership in general is intriguing to me... i think part of the reason it is so interesting to me is that for a long time i had a very hard time grasping what it meant or even what it looked like to be a leader. i am still learning and am excited about getting back in the "academic" saddle so to speak.

The fall season is already upon me and while i didn't have much to write about today, in the next few weeks i look forward to sharing about...
1) An upcoming six week all church small group initiative, IntersectCulture
2) A weekend with sociologist and author Dr. George Yancey
3) Ongoing and upcoming Mosaix small group curriculum writing projects and opportunities just to name a few things!

Hmmm, isn't that interesting? i didn't think i had anything to write about although some of you are probably thinking...."Dude, don't kid yourself... i just wasted five minutes reading your silly blog because you really didn't write anything!"

Have a great week!

One Crazy Summer...in a good way!

Non-Stop!

That is how i describe the last few weeks at the Daniels household!

Between trips to hang out with friends in Indianapolis, a missions trip to Mexico, a week at Camp in central Indiana and another missions trip to Atlanta, Georgia... various members of the family have had to adjust to changing time zones, spend 24 hours (one entire day) in a mini-van simply driving, try to live without Mom around (this is huge) and wash mountains of laundry! All of this travel and seeing the world has been a bit insane! But it has been good too!

Pictures of our Mexico missions trip are forthcoming as are pictures from Camp Good News! The trip to Atlanta just happened this morning around 6AM but i am sure that there will be plenty of pictures to share as well when everyone returns from the Dream Center!

The one thing that has struck me with all of this non-stop action around our house has been that our three oldest are growing up... fast.

Of course the three year old is going to be around for a while but the others, well we had a bit of a wake up call to having an empty house might be like one day. Ruthie hung out with our 3 year old and i found out what it was like to make up meals as we went along! With no one in the house there really wasn't any reason to keep the fridge stocked! i am really hoping we stick to that one when the oldest ones are out on their own... hopefully it'll discourage them from thinking they can come and raid our fridge when theirs' is empty! i can hear them now.... "Hey let's go over to Mom and Dad's they always have extra food in the fridge... Uh, check that, no they don't... every since we left the house all they have is ice!"

Anyway, i will be getting photos of our travels and as soon as i do, my plan is to can get them uploaded... uh oh i better go, Ruthie has started the mini-van and the kids are loading up... not sure where we're off to next but it'll be a blast!

Building A Mosaic....

First off, let me apologize for not getting my blog done last week. About this time last week i was finishing up my time at an event called the North American Christian Convention in Kansas City, Missouri.

If you have never heard of the the North American Christian Convention (also known as the NACC), don't worry that's not unusual. The event takes place annually in different locations around the United States and has done so since the first part of the 20th century. It has been a sort of "unofficial" denominational meeting for a group of churches that consider themselves to be "non-denominational"... long story and too hard to explain right now....

i traveled there with my Senior Pastor and spent the week catching up with old friends from the around the country and Canada! We also had an opportunity to hear some excellent speakers as well. One guy from (of all places) Post Falls, Idaho was absolutely great!

The one thing that continues to be a bit of a bother for me for has been the fact that for as long as i have been a part of these convention gatherings, significant participation of people of color (and women as well) from the platform and as part of the convention leadership has been sorely lacking. This is not because we have a bunch of black people who are part of our churches who choose not to be part of this event we don't... and THAT is a problem too! It has been kind of amazing to see this event undergo significant transformation in terms of attracting younger leaders becoming more and more involved with the event but as far as African-American, Latino, Asian-American and women are concerned we have been in essence forgotten about or even more so probably, simply ignored.

That's why it was encouraging to be contacted several weeks ago prior to traveling to Kansas City and be invited to a meeting to begin an on-going dialogue about what needs to, or what should happen to encourage greater and more significant participation in particular of African -Americans not just with the NACC but within Christian Churches and Churches of Christ. While the meeting was necessary and produced what promises to be significant developments, the bottom line is what happens going forward. It is interesting to note as my Senior Pastor did that while the meeting was attended by mostly White leaders and several African-American pastors and leaders... there were only a few women there and there were no Hispanic leaders... but our hope is that at least this is a start!

Finally, this week Ruthie and Jonah along with 56 others leave our church headed to Mexico on a missions trip! This was not without drama even before they left! The whole process of getting a US passport (which you have to have per new State Department rules) is a bit of a nightmare... and another story for another week! Please remember this group of missionaries in your prayers, i know they would appreciate it!

Twenty Years and counting....

This past weekend I had the opportunity to celebrate a very unusual anniversary celebration.

My father-in-law and mother-in-law have served for the past 20 years as Senior Pastor of a church in the town of Peru, Indiana which incidentally is also known as Circus City, USA!

They have done an incredible job in the face of some serious odds.

The biggest of course being the fact that the statistical average tenure for ministers at any one church here in the United States is less than four years... what an incredible testament to both that church and to my wife's parents!

In a really weird way, we were celebrating and remembering both their twenty years there and how much of our life as a couple and family has been shared with that same church. For example, that same church has witnessed their Senior pastor and his wife's son graduate from High school, the marriage of their oldest daughter and then that same son's marriage, they have witnessed us move to Canada, our return to the US, a move to Indiana and then a move back to Illinois, they have also witnessed the arrival of their six grandchildren and more than likely will then watch as the oldest of the grandchildren graduates from High school and heads off to a Christian college with plans to enter the ministry and serve the church just like his grandfather!

It has by no means been an easy twenty years, I know my father-in-law (just like all of us) can be a handful and (as you can probably gather from last week's post) churches can be filled with "prickly" people as well but all things considered (and that is a lot) this pretty cool!

I guess the thing that has amazed me recently is that this church of around 200 people, recently purchased, completely renovated and updated a Civil War era firehouse in their town. The Firehouse has quickly become the place locally for catered wedding receptions, retirement parties, birthday parties and just like we did last weekend, anniversary celebrations. On top of all that the second floor of the building is a Student pastor's dream space with pool tales, video games and flat screen TV's. The entire building is a WiFi zone as well!

So while I shared my frustrations last week( So You Think You Can Lead A Church Huh?), let me also say that there are quite a few churches that do allow their leaders to lead and quite a few leaders (like my father-in-law) who when all is said and done, lead quite well.

So You Think You Can Lead A Church Huh?

i may tick some people off with this post but that's life...

As a guy who has worked with churches over the past few years, i can safely say i don't think i'll ever see a day when seemingly normal people ever cease making bone-headed decisions or saying completely unintelligent, foolish things! These same people (for the most part, not always but almost) typically blame the ministers, pastors and/or church leaders for all the problems in their lives or in the lives of others.

i simply don't get it.

i am especially intrigued by people who seemingly make it a habit to inform the pastor or minister of what they (the pastor) should "really be doing if they really cared about people..."

Truth be known the authority that comes to pastors and ministers does not find it's origins in other people (which is a theological discussion for another day) but for some reason there seem to have been a decent number of people i have come into contact with over the last 20 years who have managed to convince themselves that they truly know how to do everything in the life of a local church better, more effectively, with more compassion and with superior results than anyone in the leadership of that same church! (i know that was a very long sentence... but hey that's how i roll...)

Can i just say something in response to that kind of "thinking"?

Get a life!

Most people who fall into the "let-me-tell-you-how-to-do-your-job-better-Pastor...." camp, have no clue what they are talking about! Not only that, they are arrogant, wounded, bitter people. They are people who need to be on a counselors couch (or at least in a counselors chair) figuring out why they take pleasure in pounding on the spiritual leaders of their church. Instead these people seemingly go from church to church wreaking havoc and leaving in their wake a trail of dazed and hurt church leaders who while filled with hurt, wonder after such an encounter... maybe i should leave church work and go "fill in the blank"!

i think i am past the point of patience for people who regularly do this sort of thing. There are few things like having a parent sit across the room from you, point their finger at you and ask you why you don't do more to to keep their kid out of trouble or from becoming pregnant or from getting someone else pregnant or get them to come back to church, blah, blah, blah.
Then there is the person who asks why you haven't done more to help this or that particular family with this or that issue when in fact, the person making the accusation often is not even fully informed on exactly what the situation is! Give me a break!

Now i understand that there are certainly those churches that can be considered abusive, but the number of whack job church leaders is not as significant as it maybe presented in our pop culture. Most of them are like me, we just want to make a difference but if every time we turn around people publicly second-guess, undermine and question why we do what we do it's no wonder that the number of ministers leaving their churches' pulpits all across our nation is considered by some to be of epidemic proportions.

Anyway, i hope i do tick some people off about this issue then maybe we can settle it once and for all.... or at least until the next time something else comes up.

Back In The Saddle!

Well, i owe you all an apology, i haven't forgotten to get back to my blog, i simply have had quite a bit on "my plate" so to speak! It's all good stuff just a lot of it since we came back from our time in Florida, Now THAT was nice! But this week i am committed to doing whatever I need to in order to get "back in the saddle" again!

One of the things that Ruthie and i (along with several other key "leader" types in our church) are truly thrilled about is an opportunity that we believe has been given to us to influence others families that are considering Homeschooling their children. We (more accurately Ruthie), have taught our kids at home for the past almost 13 years [doesn't seem that long] and as we began to talk about ministries that perhaps we could do as husband and wife, helping to encourage and "coach" if you will those families interested in (but intimidated by) Homeschooling seemed like a natural.

Interestingly enough on the heels of our discussion we received an email from HSLDA (The Home Schooling Legal Defense Association) that encouraged its members to consider hosting an open house for people we knew who might be interested in Homeschooling! They even offered to supply all sorts of informational material that we could give away to any families or individuals who want to Homeschool! How sweet is that!?!

So we began talking about it with a few other families who are currently Homeschooling their children as well and began to plan a Open House at our home. As we worked the "grapevine" and chatted this possibility up a little bit we began to see that there wasn't just a little interest but a lot of interest!

Just this past weekend we hosted this event in our home complete with curriculum displays from all different age groups, curriculum catalogues, Homeschool veterans whose children ranged in age from preschool through recent High school graduates. We had some great food and just let people get to ask questions and share their experiences... it was so very cool! We did an unofficial head count and had somewhere between 55 to 60 people participate in this event and i think they all had a great time! i loved it! My wife was such an incredible encourager as soon-to-be Homeschool parents and rookie Homeschool parents asked her all sorts of questions about what it takes to do this Homeschooling thing!

So what does the future hold for this new group of potential Homeschoolers at Westbrook? Well, based on who was at our home this past weekend and checking into it... i'd say the future is very, very bright!

Now THAT was nice!

Have you been putting off that "dream" family trip?

While we had our "moments" on vacation, we are in agreement.... IT WAS A BLAST!

For about four or five months now we planned a trip to Florida's "Space Coast"...Cape Canaveral and the area all around the Kennedy Space center.

Our original plan was to take advantage of the natural beauty of the area, the beaches, the wildlife preserves and possibly a trip to the Space center... but that plan began to undergo a metamorphosis about three months ago when my brother found out our plans.

At his suggestion he, his wife and their almost two year old daughter (whom we had not had a chance to meet yet since they live on the east coast and we live here in the Midwest) would meet us in Florida, and spend a few days with us. That sounded like a good plan but he then suggested the possibility of of spending those few days together at Disneyworld!

Now don't get me wrong, we have always dreamed of doing something like that as a family but for a family of six that could get pricey... unless you have a brilliant younger brother who is a lawyer for "The Mouse"! Actually, he's legal counsel for one of their smaller divisions, which has its' headquarters in Bristol, CT... a little known outfit called ESPN. His suggestion was to take care of getting us in the park for as many days as we wanted and how could we turn down an offer like that! So we diligently made the plan come together.

One thing i didn't mention... we never told our kids ONE SINGLE THING about the Disneyland deal OR about meeting up with their Uncle, Aunt and little cousin! The first clue that our kids had that something was up was when we were getting in and around the Orlando area (about an hour from where we were staying) and all the directional signs for Disneyland were everywhere!

We finally told them that a family had graciously made it possible for ALL of us to spend the day at Disneyland's Magic Kingdom. We explained that the "G" family (my brother's last name begins with the letter G, which, is another story for another day) would meet us at the park and get us in for the day. Imagine their shock when we walked up to the entrance gate for the Magic Kingdom and my brother and his family yelled"Hi!". It was priceless! They then got the great news that not only were we going to be spending the day at the Magic Kingdom but the NEXT day we would all return to spend a day at Disney's Animal Kingdom!

We had an absolute blast and I am including a link on my blog page for you to take a look at our time at Disneyworld!

There are so many more stories to tell about this trip but our hope is that one of the things we were able to do was create memories that none of us will ever forget... we think we may have accomplished that for certain after all!

The Truth!

Here is the deal....

i have made a commitment to write at least once a week and just try to stir up conversation about the stuff of life! And with a fair amount of consistency i have remained faithful to that commitment.

But this week i am getting ready to head out of town... and quite frankly the day that i usually write my blog will come and go while i am on vacation... twice! (Nice huh?!?)

So guess what?

This week and next week, feel free to take a look at my previous blogs and whatever else might be of interest to you on my blog... because i'm on vacation!

i'll fill you in when i return..... until then have a great week!

Life is short... get a WHAT?!?

Can you make out the Chicago billboard to the left?

Yeah, i've edited it because it needed to be edited!

Both shots are midrift pictures, the one to the far left was a picture of a scantily clad woman from her neck down. The picture to the far right was a guy whose pectoral area was in top form.

If you can't make out the words on the ad, you just need to know it was placed by by a legal firm and encourages people to remember... "Life is short. Get a divorce."

i guess what i don't get is how in the world, in good conscience, anyone could put a billboard up like that anywhere in the world!?!

One of the people responsible for placing the billboard commented by stating that the billboard promotes "happiness and personal integrity". Well, it promotes something alright but i'm not convinced it is either one of those two things!

Is the answer to a short life, divorce? Some might say "Oh Rob, you're just over-reacting... the thing was put up all in fun...." Yeah maybe but as far as i know, almost everyone that has experienced divorce from the husband or wife, to the children, to the in-laws, to other friends and relatives would overwhelmingly agree that "happiness" was not necessarily what they got out of that ordeal.

So somebody tell me, is this normal? Do most married people walk around thinking that their personal integrity will be kicked up a notch when they get that divorce?

If so, we (as a nation) are even more screwy than i thought....

PS. i should add one note.... the parking garage owners on whose building this was placed ended up taking the billboard down once the word got out about how insane this advertisement seemed to be.

High School Days... best days of Your Life?

Question: did you enjoy your high school experience?

i did.

That said, i don't think i would do again... it was sort of a once in a lifetime experience.

This week, my wife through casual conversation with someone she works with realized that this same person had attended the same High school she did and graduated one year after her. This caused my wife to begin looking through her old yearbooks and reflecting back on what for many of us is a critical time in our lives. She remembers High school being "okay" for the most part. She also recognizes that had she remained in the town that she went to high school in her life would have more than likely have been very different and probably not for the better.

i think for me as i think back, i made the most of the experience. NO, i was not one of those guys who partied and/or behaved poorly but if there were activities to be part of, athletics to excel in, i would do it! There were the typically type of things that most guys in high school worry about, girls, looks, popularity... did i mention girls? However, in the midst of my high school experience the thing that made a real difference for me, something that helped me keep it all in perspective was my involvement with my church youth group.

It's really weird and sort of hard to explain but being part of a youth group and knowing that kids from my youth group were around me at school during the day was a significant deal. i knew people were watching out for me and they were also keeping me accountable. If i acted like a jerk on the football team or on the track team or in the high school choir, they wouldn't let me get away with it. That was in many ways what kept me in line. It is also what helped me enjoy the experience of High school but also keep it all in proper perspective.

Don't misunderstand as i look back there more than few times when others properly identified me as smart mouthed jerk, in spite of my youth group connections. But all in all, my high school days were truly enjoyable. There was also a part of me that realized that it was a special time and i needed to enjoy it but there would be many more very special days to come... even when my days in high school came to an end.

What about you.......

Clueless in Fatherhood...

Have you ever had a week where you find yourself wishing you had a clue about being a dad?

That's exactly the sort of week i had this week....

It seems the older my kids get the more inept i feel as a father. i am fairly confident that a big part of my hangup is that i feel like most what i am doing i am making up as i go along. i feel like i really need better skills, a deeper reservoir or well to draw wisdom from. Don't get me wrong, when i get my "dad" face on it's pretty fierce but as more time passes, that face doesn't scare my kids anymore. Now it just irritates them. i mean, i love my kids more than almost anything but my skills seem a little "dulled" these days.

For those of you who grew up with fathers who did a good job modeling fatherhood, i envy you. It would be so incredibly awesome to have that sort of reference for your own fatherhood. My desire is to give my own kids a good model to look back on but i wonder how i am doing. i heard a guy say once that you can tell a lot about a man by looking into the face of his wife... i think the same could be said about a man by looking into the face of his children.

It's quite clear to me (at least it seems so to me) that fathering is quickly becoming a lost "art". Once upon a time fatherhood was looked upon with a certain sense of honor. Now for the most part, parents but especially fathers, are considered to be buffoons who just don't get it. Maybe fatherhood is like a skilled trade... or the art of glass blowing. The best way to learn how to be a really good glass blower would be to spend serious amounts of time with someone who is accomplished at that art form. And maybe the best way to become a good father is to be the apprentice of a good father. If that is the case then i know what a huge part of my problem is... no one to show me the ropes, no one to take me under his wings, no one who was able to say....This is how you do it.

Does anyone else ever feel this way or is this just more Baby Boomer/Buster (i'm never sure which one i am) angst? Please don't misunderstand what i am writing about... it's not that i don't enjoy my kids because i truly do... it's just that i wonder why i struggle at the being a dad thing?

Let me give you an example, this week we had a situation come up at home that called for a serious discussion and because i had uncovered the disconcerting behavior i was also given the opportunity to handle it. After a lengthy talk i couldn't help but feel like the only thing i communicated was how disappointed i was and that was not what i wanted to be the point of the discussion.

Kids have enough trouble growing up and the last thing mine need to feel is that somehow their father is impossible to please. It's that fine balance between having demanding and high standards and letting kids be kids.

Does that make sense?

Any ideas would be welcome...

Has this crossed anyone else's mind?

Does evil really exist?

If it doesn't, how do we explain what happened this week on the campus of Virginia Tech?

What can be done to prevent this from happening again? Can we prevent it?

Exactly who is the we in this process anyway?

Is what happened the end result of a difficult childhood or of experiencing physical, mental, sexual abuse?

Was all of this a direct result of insufficient preemptive intervention?

What about the purported verbal taunting and teasing the gunman dealt with as a young, new immigrant to this country? Did that play a role in this event at all?

Is it a normal "rite of passage" to be abused like that as a child by other children (and sometimes even adults)? Says who?

When all is said and done (if that ever happens), will the conclusion be that the gunman at Virgina Tech was in one sense at fault but not really?

Does it seem like no one is really ready to admit they may have "looked the other way" (for whatever reasons) and let someone with serious emotional and mental problems "slip through the cracks"?

Why did the gunman's DVD still photos, video and manifesto end up being broadcast (over & over & over & over &......) and discussed on the public airwaves?

Does a seeming cultural fascination with gratuitous violence, death, gore & mayhem play a role in the tragic events of this past week?

If evil does exist (Please note: I believe evil does in fact exist), with what can it be countered?

• Force...

• Passivity...

• Non-violent protest...

• Positive thoughts...

• In-treatment programs and therapy...

• Medicine...

• Goodwill...

What?

Suggestions anyone?

No Justice.... No Peace!

Well, has it been an interesting week or what?!?

i must admit, i am a bit perplexed at the outcome regarding the Imus (shockjock) radio guy. My mom (who lives in NYC) has said for years that the guy was pretty darn strange and pretty annoying. That he (Imus) has for years said denigrating things about just about everyone. i guess what i am most caught off guard by is the fact that his comment regarding hair styles and sexual proclivities is really not all too different from what we might hear from other outlets of pop culture or in mass media.

• Should he have to apologize in person to those he made the comments about? Yep!

• Should advertisers seriously consider whether his program is something they want to be identified or associated with? Absolutely!

• Should he have lost his job over all of this? Now that makes me pause...

i sort of think that the free market should have decided that.... and maybe after all has been said and done that is exactly what happened... he lost his job.... the corporation couldn't afford to be associated with a financial liability like Imus.

At the same time, the whole Duke University lacrosse team thing has just completely unraveled! It's been interesting noting the difference in the "decibel" level in the media in breaking down the Imus thing and discussing the seeming exoneration of the 3 dudes from Duke. Hindsight is of course 20/20 but i seem to remember more than quite a few people (like everyone in the world!) taking those Duke guys to the shed for a good spanking for "acting out on the most disgusting of sexual/ racial taboos" etc, etc, etc.

But now it seems that no one is really all that interested in making that situation right in light of the fact that the whole rape case turns out to have been false.

• As student athletes representing Duke University should they be engaging in behaviors that would ultimately cast a poor light on the University? Nope!

• As men, should they be throwing "parties" where women are encouraged/paid (or whatever) to become absolutely nothing more than objects of sexual desire? No way!

• Does someone owe these guys and apology too? i think so...

Will it happen... probably not.

Good Friday Gone Bad?

Question on this Good Friday....

In the last few years, typically around around this time of year, has there been an increase in the number of efforts to undermine core Christian doctrine or is it just my imagination?

i am not talking about some sort of brown-shirt, goose-stepping effort to silence those who are Christ followers.... neither am i talking about serious and reasoned scientific debate about the validity of the claims of the Christian faith .... rather, i am talking about how over the last several years there has been a steady (main)stream, push of "theories" regarding whether or not Jesus "died" on the cross for the sin of humankind, that Jesus had a wife and children or that the Bible is at best, incomplete and at worst, a fraud.

i don't get it.

Sure i'll admit perhaps i am being a bit sensitive but surely it's not all related to my desire to make certain that the faith that i and millions of others strive to live on a daily basis, be protected from serious or any challenge but...

i guess what i continue to be a little perplexed by is how it is seemingly quite acceptable to cast about wild and whacky theories about Jesus. To make what could be considered outlandish and unfounded claims about who He was or what He did is quite okay but it is definitely unacceptable to do any such thing along the same lines about a number of other religious figures in our culture.

Why is that?

It is interesting that while the Christian faith (particularly here in the US) seems to have a rather questionable reputation, there have been increased attacks on it's historical accuracy and scientific validity. If i were a paranoid sort of person i might conclude that there is a perception "out there" that Christianity is in a sense "on the ropes" and it won't be long before someone delivers some "once-and-for-all" knockout blow!

Having worked with churches for a few years now, one thing i must admit with a fair deal of embarrassment is that while there are lots and lots of people who believe they know who Jesus is, very few understand church history and perhaps even less understand the Bible.

This leads directly to my main cause for concern... Pair seemingly knowledgeable "scholars" with very professional television and/or movie producers and directors and the next thing you know... at the very least the general public is being completely re-educated about the historical Jesus and at the most the Christian faith is moved from being irrelevant to being fake.

Not good.

Motor Vehicle Madness!

Have any of you ever had to deal with the Department of Motor Vehicles?!?

What an incredible nightmare!

With our recent move to Illinois (did i mention that we just moved to Illinois after not being together as a family for over 600 days?), we had to make the trek to a local Secretary of State office to get new drivers licenses, plates, title transfers and titles for our automobiles. So being the perfectionist, reliable, conscientious, list making, logical first born she is, Ruthie (my wife) began in earnest about three weeks ago planning for this mornings' nightmare experience! She carefully gathered the four different pieces of identification, one from each of the following four categories for both of us...
Written signature, Date of Birth, Social Security number, Residency/ Personal Data.
Since the facility we needed to be at opened at 8AM, we left the house in the wee early morning hours to stand in a line with about twenty to thirty other people who had come to the Secretary of State's office for various reasons. After standing in line for about twenty minutes, the door was opened and we were directed into what had the feel of "livestock chutes" as the very grumpy looking (even at 8:02 am) employees told us where to go and where to stand. As we finally made our way to the counter in the middle of the room, the loudspeaker continued to call out number after number as we tried to give the gentleman our several pieces of identification.

Ruthie went first and handed over her old drivers license (from another state), a birth certificate, a marriage license and a utility bill to our home addressed to me. The gentleman looked over the information and proceeded to give Ruthie her "magic" ticket (it was really just a "please take a number" receipt, but it seemed like a "magic" ticket to me). i then began handing all of my information to this gentlemen including the same utility bill Ruthie had just handed the guy... at which point he asked me if i had the "necessary" residency proof. My response was "yes, this utility bill right here.." He then stated that Ruthie couldn't use the same utility bill that he had only moments before indicated was "good to go". At that point my lovely bride began to boil over, and told the man, "Hey we're married!?!" His response..."Ma'am I need a piece of mail with your name on it..." She began to protest, "When I called in and later checked this information on- line there was no indication..." i then jumped in to stop her because the guy who had up to that point been helping us, pretty much shut down and began his mantra of, "I can't help you ma'am...unless you have a piece of mail...blah, blah, blah." i then told Ruthie to stop arguing because this guy wasn't going to help her any more, he was in a word... done! As my wife exited the facility with none of the necessary paper work completed, it was pretty clear that she was ticked off... and let me tell you something, Ruthie is a pretty sweet woman but making her mad at 8:07 am is as bad an idea that one can have...

As she left the building obviously upset, i kept a bit of distance behind her (i didn't want to get hit frankly) and remember the guy i mentioned who was directing traffic down the livestock chutes??? He was at the door and remarked to another dude in a suit with a State of Illinois name tag..."There goes another one (meaning the now very angry Ruthie)... we'll see that dozens of times today", As i walked by and out of the door. Ruthie was pretty much in the car at this point and i felt like i simply couldn't leave and so i wheeled around on my heels and went back to the "cattle chute" guy. As i began to explain to him what happened, he asked me if we were married. When i began to explain why we were turned away, he instructed me to go get my wife, come back in and tell the guy who had denied us our "magic" ticket that "Rick" had ok'd everything. At this point, i'm thinking... this Rick guy must be like the Bureau of Motor Vehicles Godfather or somethin'!

Ruthie came back in and we began the whole process again only this time with "Rick" (the BMV Godfather) hovering close by so that "magic" ticket man wouldn't give us a hard time... and so after jumping through all the State of Illinois hoops including another written driver's test (one of the the first questions the perfectionist, reliable, conscientious, list making, logical first born one asked me when we were done was ..."How many did you miss on the written test... I didn't miss any!")... we finally walked out of the facility. But that was only after being told in one of the last checkout stations we would go through that morning, that we would need to come back again because there was a signature missing on one of the documents we had provided as proof of ownership of one of our vehicles...

Nice huh?

Amazing Friends....

Have you ever had a friend in your life who simply amazed you? Not in bad way of course but rather someone whose life was just amazing! The funny thing is this... most of the time friends like that don't even know that you think their lives are a marvel. In fact, they usually seem to go along like everything is pretty normal. They don't pretend to be something they aren't, the majority of the time they live by the credo WYSIWYG.

i have a friend like that, he is staying with my family this weekend. He'd probably be embarrassed if i told him any of this..."your life is amazing" stuff. i have known him since we lived in Canada, as a matter of fact the friendship that my wife and i grew into with he and his wife is one of those sorts of friendships that i trust will transcend time, space and (prayerfully) eternity.

The night my wife went into labor with our first born son, he and i stayed up playing a Nintendo (yeah that's right ... the original 8 bit deal....none of this Wii stuff) game called Nobunaga's Ambition right up until the time we called the OB/GYN and made our way to General Hospital (really that was the name of the hospital). When we finally did go to the hospital they were among the very first people we had come and meet our new little one! All along the way while we lived in Canada our friendship grew into this amazing thing. He in some ways became another brother to me (no disrespect Ken... you're still my favorite brother). Our kids actually refer to him as "uncle" although my youngest doesn't quite fully get why they do that and instead calls him "grandpa". Probably the most exciting thing for me has been watching his growth as a person of faith, a husband, a father and a leader. It is one of those things that if you let it, can just happen and you'll miss it if you don't pay attention.
i guess the thing that i love the most about friends like this (and truth be known... we all have them) is you never have to say stuff or be something that you aren't. i mean you can absolutely be yourself and it's completely alright. i love that.

At any rate it has been great to get to spend sometime with him and i hope that next time his wife (whom i've know since she was in High school) and his children will get to come our way again and spend some time with us.

i will continue to be amazed as i watch from where i am, his life and his leadership impact grow and grow. It's been great and i trust will continue to be, just being friends.

What does community really mean?

Finally, just this week after almost two years, my family and i are all living in the same house!

Now before you get any strange ideas about what that is all about just know this... the "hot" real estate market can cool fairly rapidly when you are trying to sell a home in certain parts of the country!

Our home finally sold in another state and that allowed us to find a home here and get moved into it earlier this week! And if you would allow me for a moment to "brag" about how incredible our church here in Bolingbrook is, i would appreciate it! (this is my blog anyway!) The number of people who showed up on a Sunday afternoon to help us get our belongings moved into our new home was absolutely fantastic! It says volumes upon volumes about how loved our family is and makes our love for everyone at Westbrook grow exponentially with every passing day! You are the best Westbrook!

Back to my posted question... what does community really mean? i have heard that there was a time when new neighbors might move into a neighborhood or community and folks up and down the street or from all over the block would introduce themselves. They might explain little idiosyncrasies of the neighborhood or certain things (or cranky neighbors) to be mindful of, or where the best deals for groceries could be had and on and on it would go. But i wonder if the days of that kind of community are completely gone?

i am concerned because it means something when that kind of social networking is considered passe or a bother. Am i suggesting that we are all going to be best friends...No... but what about having a collective "us" attitude as opposed to a "survivor of the fittest" take on living with other people?

i am writing this in part because i think i may have an idea for an effort of establishing community in the "new" neighborhood we live in but frankly need to be held accountable and asked if i am actually doing what i am asking about in this posting!

i don't think i am talking about or advocating some sort of "new & improved" idea of community but rather maybe a return to the idea of simply looking out for one another. The concept of loving your neighbor can truly begin with loving the people who live right next door to you... even if they perhaps choose not to love you back. i know that's easier said than done but i wonder if we are willing to even try any more...

i for one have an idea in my mind for what i would like to see begin to happen on our street in our new neighborhood and that idea centers on doing what i can, no matter how significant or small to cultivate an atmosphere of community...
You know the kind of community that you get when one neighbor kid who does something that maybe he/she shouldn't do and knows that it won't go unnoticed and by the time he/she gets home not only does everyone on the block know what really happened but Mom & Dad know every accurate detail! Not only do they know but they aren't offended because other neighbors got "involved" in their family but rather they love their neighborhood because they know others are looking out to protect everyone's children and everyone's families.

Maybe that's not the best definition of community but i suspect it might be a good start....

Speaking of kids.....

Can i talk about my kids for a minute?

i had intended to talk about something else this week but instead i need to talk about some very, very special people.

More than once over the past many years i have eagerly desired that my kids would love me... i think they know how much i love them... i am always telling them that i do but beyond that, i often try to figure out why in the world they love me back!?! i mean think about it, for most of us, this parenting thing is in many ways a total shot in the dark right? i think i can safely say that the majority of us who are doing the parenting thing are doing it pretty much by the proverbial seat of our pants... right?!?

You know what i mean... i wonder why these kids love me back when most of the time if i am honest i think i treat them like they are little lab animals... i'm trying out what i think is best or what i think is right with little to no guarantee that these guys are going to come out of the other side of what may turn out to be an at least 18 or 19 year experiment with each of them (there are four, that are here with us, we have two others that we look forward to seeing at another time and in another place) and be normal.

Please understand i am not advocating that only licensed people be pre-approved for parenting or anything like that... if that had been the case there are probably a lot of us who wouldn't be here today! But i know that my children with regularity have to put up with a lot of stuff that they shouldn't have to. My irritability and stubbornness can make for a home that is not so much fun from time to time. Yet they call out to me all the time to get my nod of approval or my attention and most of the time they pretty much love to "show off" for daddy.

Sometimes i worry about their resilience. i mean do they just forget the hard times? Do they simply not recall the scary times? What do their young and still developing minds do with the questions that even Mom and Dad can't really answer?

All i know is that my kids amaze me. They are incredibly forgiving and amazingly patient. They of course, do the normal stuff that kids do... arguing with one another, forget important details, misplace their own socks and shoes but in the grand scheme of things they continue to amaze me with their ability to continue to love me even when i am sure i have been a jerk toward them!

It is becoming more obvious to me that as my children grow older they will probably require less and less from me ( i hope... they are great kids but they are expensive sometimes!) but i think the one thing they will probably always require is to know is that daddy is proud of them... man, they really are great kids....

the tip of the iceberg...

i can’t help but wonder about the seemingly breathless coverage regarding the alleged atrocious and squalid conditions of Walter Reed Medical and perhaps throughout the entire Veterans Administration (VA) system when it comes to providing for the men and women who have for years and years have been and continue to be the ones “at the wall” for all of us Americans.

i am however wondering about a couple things…

if this is a systemic wide problem then why is the American public (not to mention taxpayer) only finding about it now as if the problems have only come upon the system in say, the last 7 years?!?

and… why are we about to be treated to the typical, sycophantic put-on-a-good-show-for-the-cameras hearing after hearing after hearing garbage instead of truly addressing the bottom line issue that the seemingly vast majority of Americans don’t want to or refuse to deal with?!? Which is… a universal health care system administered by our federal government will be a complete and horrific disaster.

Now don’t get me wrong… living in Canada when my oldest son was born to us and subsequently paying a grand total (for prenatal care, the delivery and a brief two day stay in the hospital) upon leaving the hospital of $75 was incredible!

The downside to that story however is that due to very limited space in the hospital and an over abundance of patients, Ruthie and Josiah were summarily kicked out of their room after about 8 or 10 hours and forced to remain in a waiting area in the maternity ward because they were not allowed to be discharged. With regularity i speak with friends who still live in Canada and are forced to deal with the Canadian health care system and the clear consensus is that the system is just not right and at this point may be beyond repair.

Though not widely reported here in the United States, as few as 6 years ago, several provinces (similar to our “states”) were considering creating a two-tiered medical system that would blend both public and private medical care into their system.

As a matter of fact the OB-GYN who delivered our first child, Dr. Lane, from what i gathered several years ago left the profession in Canada and moved to the United States so that she could make a living.

This is what happens when a medical system is completely run by bureaucrats.

And i have a very strong suspicion that that is the deal with the VA and i am positive that is the deal (with rare exceptions) with our federal government…

Supposedly one of our federally elected officials has indicated that his suspicion is that the situation with Walter Reed is merely the “tip of the iceberg” and is indicative of a much larger problem within the system.

i agree with that assessment.

What i would add to that is that if our federal government manages to convince the American electorate that universal health care is the perfect replacement and panacea for our current system… ever heard of “The Titanic”?

ps. yes, yes, yes i am several days overdue on my posting... so shoot me!

Can't We All Just Get Along?!?

My mom tells me that i have always been the peacemaker in our family.... wanting everyone to just "get along" and desiring to always "get along" with others. Well, i don't know about that but it seems to me that at several times in my life, i have been smack dab in the middle of relational conflict with no real clear clue as to why or how i ended up there!

For instance (perhaps you can relate) i can remember quite clearly having to face what seemed to be more than my fair share of bullies as a kid. Like the time i spent an entire summer on the southside of Chicago instead of Queens in New York City where i was born and grew up. It seems that word had gotten around the neighborhood that there was new kid on the block, who had a funny accent and was fairly easy to beat up. So almost every day, when i came to the front door to ostensibly go outside and play, i was met by a long line of kids from up and down the street who wanted to beat me up. i was an easy target because i wouldn't fight back (Of course, i really had no idea of how to fight!).

Then there was Bobby Best. This kid was huge for an elementary age kid... at least he seemed to be to me! i truly hoped that perhaps we could be friends... and "friends" as far as i was concerned meant that he would go a week or more and not beat me up! One day after school while tossing bricks (discus style... we were pretending we were in the Olympics) at an abandoned house (one of the few times it seemed that Bobby Best and i were really maybe on the road toward becoming "friends")... i made the mistake of launching an erstwhile discus/ projectile brick inadvertently toward the steps of the house which were way off to the right of the boarded windows we were aiming for directly in front of us. Unfortunately, sitting on the steps was Bobby Best's little bratty sister. The series of events that followed involved copious amounts of pain for both your truly and Bobby Best's little bratty sister.
First, after being smacked squarely in the forehead with a brick, Bobby Best's little bratty sister cried as if she had been smacked in the head with a brick! Secondly, after making sure that the swelling lump on her head was only the sign of the human body doing what it is supposed to in those situations, Bobby turned his attention to me. i had just gotten that "Inch High Private Eye" lunchbox too, before Bobby took it and smashed it down on my head and said..."Now you know how my little sister feels!" (He didn't refer to her as bratty... even though that is what she was!). My lunchbox was ruined and so was my weeklong "friendship" with Bobby Best.

Relational conflict it seems no matter how much we try cannot be avoided. But then again perhaps that is part of being human. We are all different, have different expectations, temperaments, personalities and on and on it goes. i guess the key is how do you handle conflict? Due to responsibilities related to what i do here at Westbrook, i have spent the last several days and weeks thinking about relational conflict. It has become somewhat obvious to me that most of us even as adults don't do whole lot better than i did back in elementary in dealing with my tormentor and nemesis Bobby Best. Just a glance at the internet news sites, cable news channels or network evening news gives evidence of that. From everything to custody battles to international wars to civil suits, we humans struggle with the whole conflict thing.

What is the answer? That, i can't answer completely but i do know that part of the answer has a lot to do with our willingness as individuals to commit to work through whatever differences we may have with one another. Understanding that while we may not get everything we want, the key is to do whatever it takes (within reason) to maintain the relationship. Committing to this kind of hard work will mean making sacrifices but living with other humans in community absolutely demands it!

i bet if i had been a better fighter, i wouldn't have been as interested in being a "peace maker"... So maybe it is a good thing that i used to get beat up all the time as a kid...