Clueless in Fatherhood...

Have you ever had a week where you find yourself wishing you had a clue about being a dad?

That's exactly the sort of week i had this week....

It seems the older my kids get the more inept i feel as a father. i am fairly confident that a big part of my hangup is that i feel like most what i am doing i am making up as i go along. i feel like i really need better skills, a deeper reservoir or well to draw wisdom from. Don't get me wrong, when i get my "dad" face on it's pretty fierce but as more time passes, that face doesn't scare my kids anymore. Now it just irritates them. i mean, i love my kids more than almost anything but my skills seem a little "dulled" these days.

For those of you who grew up with fathers who did a good job modeling fatherhood, i envy you. It would be so incredibly awesome to have that sort of reference for your own fatherhood. My desire is to give my own kids a good model to look back on but i wonder how i am doing. i heard a guy say once that you can tell a lot about a man by looking into the face of his wife... i think the same could be said about a man by looking into the face of his children.

It's quite clear to me (at least it seems so to me) that fathering is quickly becoming a lost "art". Once upon a time fatherhood was looked upon with a certain sense of honor. Now for the most part, parents but especially fathers, are considered to be buffoons who just don't get it. Maybe fatherhood is like a skilled trade... or the art of glass blowing. The best way to learn how to be a really good glass blower would be to spend serious amounts of time with someone who is accomplished at that art form. And maybe the best way to become a good father is to be the apprentice of a good father. If that is the case then i know what a huge part of my problem is... no one to show me the ropes, no one to take me under his wings, no one who was able to say....This is how you do it.

Does anyone else ever feel this way or is this just more Baby Boomer/Buster (i'm never sure which one i am) angst? Please don't misunderstand what i am writing about... it's not that i don't enjoy my kids because i truly do... it's just that i wonder why i struggle at the being a dad thing?

Let me give you an example, this week we had a situation come up at home that called for a serious discussion and because i had uncovered the disconcerting behavior i was also given the opportunity to handle it. After a lengthy talk i couldn't help but feel like the only thing i communicated was how disappointed i was and that was not what i wanted to be the point of the discussion.

Kids have enough trouble growing up and the last thing mine need to feel is that somehow their father is impossible to please. It's that fine balance between having demanding and high standards and letting kids be kids.

Does that make sense?

Any ideas would be welcome...

Has this crossed anyone else's mind?

Does evil really exist?

If it doesn't, how do we explain what happened this week on the campus of Virginia Tech?

What can be done to prevent this from happening again? Can we prevent it?

Exactly who is the we in this process anyway?

Is what happened the end result of a difficult childhood or of experiencing physical, mental, sexual abuse?

Was all of this a direct result of insufficient preemptive intervention?

What about the purported verbal taunting and teasing the gunman dealt with as a young, new immigrant to this country? Did that play a role in this event at all?

Is it a normal "rite of passage" to be abused like that as a child by other children (and sometimes even adults)? Says who?

When all is said and done (if that ever happens), will the conclusion be that the gunman at Virgina Tech was in one sense at fault but not really?

Does it seem like no one is really ready to admit they may have "looked the other way" (for whatever reasons) and let someone with serious emotional and mental problems "slip through the cracks"?

Why did the gunman's DVD still photos, video and manifesto end up being broadcast (over & over & over & over &......) and discussed on the public airwaves?

Does a seeming cultural fascination with gratuitous violence, death, gore & mayhem play a role in the tragic events of this past week?

If evil does exist (Please note: I believe evil does in fact exist), with what can it be countered?

• Force...

• Passivity...

• Non-violent protest...

• Positive thoughts...

• In-treatment programs and therapy...

• Medicine...

• Goodwill...

What?

Suggestions anyone?

No Justice.... No Peace!

Well, has it been an interesting week or what?!?

i must admit, i am a bit perplexed at the outcome regarding the Imus (shockjock) radio guy. My mom (who lives in NYC) has said for years that the guy was pretty darn strange and pretty annoying. That he (Imus) has for years said denigrating things about just about everyone. i guess what i am most caught off guard by is the fact that his comment regarding hair styles and sexual proclivities is really not all too different from what we might hear from other outlets of pop culture or in mass media.

• Should he have to apologize in person to those he made the comments about? Yep!

• Should advertisers seriously consider whether his program is something they want to be identified or associated with? Absolutely!

• Should he have lost his job over all of this? Now that makes me pause...

i sort of think that the free market should have decided that.... and maybe after all has been said and done that is exactly what happened... he lost his job.... the corporation couldn't afford to be associated with a financial liability like Imus.

At the same time, the whole Duke University lacrosse team thing has just completely unraveled! It's been interesting noting the difference in the "decibel" level in the media in breaking down the Imus thing and discussing the seeming exoneration of the 3 dudes from Duke. Hindsight is of course 20/20 but i seem to remember more than quite a few people (like everyone in the world!) taking those Duke guys to the shed for a good spanking for "acting out on the most disgusting of sexual/ racial taboos" etc, etc, etc.

But now it seems that no one is really all that interested in making that situation right in light of the fact that the whole rape case turns out to have been false.

• As student athletes representing Duke University should they be engaging in behaviors that would ultimately cast a poor light on the University? Nope!

• As men, should they be throwing "parties" where women are encouraged/paid (or whatever) to become absolutely nothing more than objects of sexual desire? No way!

• Does someone owe these guys and apology too? i think so...

Will it happen... probably not.

Good Friday Gone Bad?

Question on this Good Friday....

In the last few years, typically around around this time of year, has there been an increase in the number of efforts to undermine core Christian doctrine or is it just my imagination?

i am not talking about some sort of brown-shirt, goose-stepping effort to silence those who are Christ followers.... neither am i talking about serious and reasoned scientific debate about the validity of the claims of the Christian faith .... rather, i am talking about how over the last several years there has been a steady (main)stream, push of "theories" regarding whether or not Jesus "died" on the cross for the sin of humankind, that Jesus had a wife and children or that the Bible is at best, incomplete and at worst, a fraud.

i don't get it.

Sure i'll admit perhaps i am being a bit sensitive but surely it's not all related to my desire to make certain that the faith that i and millions of others strive to live on a daily basis, be protected from serious or any challenge but...

i guess what i continue to be a little perplexed by is how it is seemingly quite acceptable to cast about wild and whacky theories about Jesus. To make what could be considered outlandish and unfounded claims about who He was or what He did is quite okay but it is definitely unacceptable to do any such thing along the same lines about a number of other religious figures in our culture.

Why is that?

It is interesting that while the Christian faith (particularly here in the US) seems to have a rather questionable reputation, there have been increased attacks on it's historical accuracy and scientific validity. If i were a paranoid sort of person i might conclude that there is a perception "out there" that Christianity is in a sense "on the ropes" and it won't be long before someone delivers some "once-and-for-all" knockout blow!

Having worked with churches for a few years now, one thing i must admit with a fair deal of embarrassment is that while there are lots and lots of people who believe they know who Jesus is, very few understand church history and perhaps even less understand the Bible.

This leads directly to my main cause for concern... Pair seemingly knowledgeable "scholars" with very professional television and/or movie producers and directors and the next thing you know... at the very least the general public is being completely re-educated about the historical Jesus and at the most the Christian faith is moved from being irrelevant to being fake.

Not good.