Clueless in Fatherhood...

Have you ever had a week where you find yourself wishing you had a clue about being a dad?

That's exactly the sort of week i had this week....

It seems the older my kids get the more inept i feel as a father. i am fairly confident that a big part of my hangup is that i feel like most what i am doing i am making up as i go along. i feel like i really need better skills, a deeper reservoir or well to draw wisdom from. Don't get me wrong, when i get my "dad" face on it's pretty fierce but as more time passes, that face doesn't scare my kids anymore. Now it just irritates them. i mean, i love my kids more than almost anything but my skills seem a little "dulled" these days.

For those of you who grew up with fathers who did a good job modeling fatherhood, i envy you. It would be so incredibly awesome to have that sort of reference for your own fatherhood. My desire is to give my own kids a good model to look back on but i wonder how i am doing. i heard a guy say once that you can tell a lot about a man by looking into the face of his wife... i think the same could be said about a man by looking into the face of his children.

It's quite clear to me (at least it seems so to me) that fathering is quickly becoming a lost "art". Once upon a time fatherhood was looked upon with a certain sense of honor. Now for the most part, parents but especially fathers, are considered to be buffoons who just don't get it. Maybe fatherhood is like a skilled trade... or the art of glass blowing. The best way to learn how to be a really good glass blower would be to spend serious amounts of time with someone who is accomplished at that art form. And maybe the best way to become a good father is to be the apprentice of a good father. If that is the case then i know what a huge part of my problem is... no one to show me the ropes, no one to take me under his wings, no one who was able to say....This is how you do it.

Does anyone else ever feel this way or is this just more Baby Boomer/Buster (i'm never sure which one i am) angst? Please don't misunderstand what i am writing about... it's not that i don't enjoy my kids because i truly do... it's just that i wonder why i struggle at the being a dad thing?

Let me give you an example, this week we had a situation come up at home that called for a serious discussion and because i had uncovered the disconcerting behavior i was also given the opportunity to handle it. After a lengthy talk i couldn't help but feel like the only thing i communicated was how disappointed i was and that was not what i wanted to be the point of the discussion.

Kids have enough trouble growing up and the last thing mine need to feel is that somehow their father is impossible to please. It's that fine balance between having demanding and high standards and letting kids be kids.

Does that make sense?

Any ideas would be welcome...