That Girl Beat Me Up! (or Every Little Boys' Nightmare Come True!)

For as long as i can remember, i used to get beat up. It was not unusual for me to come home almost everyday from school crying or with a torn up shirt, a bloody nose or busted lip... now don't get me wrong, i am not the kind of person who goes looking for fisticuffs but somehow watching that Daniels kid get beat up or being the one to beat him up was something akin to a national past time back in the day...

Now to make it a bit more shaming (and please don't read anything sexist into this... it just is, what it is ok?) more often than not, i was getting my head handed to me by not just any other kid but in particular, i seemed to be the kid that the girls liked to pick on and beat up. To this day i still do not know why but somehow i always manged to tick Helga or Hildegarde off and then i was told that after school, it was "on".

You want to talk about humiliating... can't get much worse than knowing everyday not only are you going to end up in a fight you'll lose (because you don't know how to fight) but add to that the fact that it's in all likelihood going to be a girl who takes you down...

So why share this chapter of my life fit for the wall of shame?

Because of Sam... actually her name was Samantha but she told me to call her Sam. It amazes me that after all these years i remember her name...

For some reason Sam liked me and decided that i was going to be her boyfriend and of course i agreed... she was cute, she had braids and a pretty smile and plus if i had said no... i think she would have beat me up too. One day though Sam found out that Sandra was going to beat me up after school... not sure why Sandra wanted to be me up... must have just been her turn up to "bat". But Sam came out of school that day stood between me and Sandra and told Sandra that before she could be me up she would have to beat Sam up... come to think of it, that was the last time that year anyone threatened me... Sam made sure i was ok.

Not sure whatever happened to Sandra or Sam.... i imagine Sam probably competed under a pseudonym on American Gladiators or something... Sandra however...who knows?

One thing is for sure, that one year with Sam changed me, not because i became this great fighter but because Sam in her own way helped me see myself as worthy of being defended. i am still not sure what she saw in the quiet little boy with a thick New York accent but as i have said elsewhere i still remember Sam's name. And that says a lot more than anything else....

Where Did The Month Go?

Hmmm... sort of interesting that Black History month is about over and in many ways, there seemed to be pretty much a collective cultural yawn about it all. Perhaps the assumption that more would be made of this month of remembrance and recognition because of the presence in the White House of our nation's first Chief Executive of color, was mistaken on my part.
There are some who i suspect would say..."Well see we're past the obsessive need to see people as a color...".

i certainly hope not.

i looked to see if there might be special presentations on television or in newspapers and there didn't seem to be too much... maybe special gatherings in the local community i live in but nothing. i begin to wonder why.

The fact is, the color of a person's skin should be celebrated and recognized as a gift. Being able to celebrate a cultural heritage and share stories with those around us who perhaps have a different shade of skin color really should enrich our lives. Dr. King never said skin color didn't matter... he did however talk a lot about the content of one's character... which i believe is definitely shaped by the stories of our lives. I can't help but wonder now that our nation has openly elected a person of color to the Presidency, will there be an even louder cry to "stop making a 'big deal' out of a person's racial or ethnic background..."

i do hope that not only would we make it a point of learning and continuing to celebrate the contribution of Black Americans to this nation but that we would learn to recognize the unique contributions of other Americans from different ethnic backgrounds as well. To me this is what makes our nation so incredible... so many different people, making a such significant difference... such an incredible place to live!

The Greatest....

When i was kid, some of the greatest sports icons of all time were at the height of their careers, Arthur Ashe, Muhammad Ali, Hank Aaron, Willie Mays, Bill Russell, Walt Frazier, Jim Brown, Wilma Rudolph to name a few. As a child i had no idea what these people had to go through to get to the level of professional sports they had attained.

All i knew was that they were fun to watch! Everyone on my street wanted to hit like Hammerin' Hank or "float like a butterfly and sting like a bee"... We would talk for days on end about what this pro athlete had done or (since I lived in New York City as a kid) who was seen at what places around the city! It was pretty exciting to see men and women who looked like me doing these incredible things.

i wasn't a very good athlete as a little kid but i knew what was good game when i saw it. My mom on the other hand was a bit of a sports nut. Looking back on it now it's funny to me that she used to talk all the time about players like Bob Gibson and Roberto Clemente or she would tell me about the starting line up for the New York Mets or whether or not the Jets were going to be any good that year!

My mom wasn't ever truly a "franchise" or team fan but she was always talking to me about the great players in all sports and more often that not she was telling me about the great players who were black and helping me understand the sacrifices that these people were making in order that the door to professional sports would never be slammed shut in the face of future black athletes.

Perhaps that is not a big deal to you... maybe in light of what professional sports seems to have become today you feel a bit jaded toward these people but to a wide eyed little boy, looking for people to look up to and admire it made a pretty big difference.

I Could Do That!!!

It may be the middle of winter, but it is also Black History Month! No matter what you think, you have to admit, it's very cool to take a few weeks and focus on the unique contributions of Black Americans... so many who not only were and are famous, but people who fulfilled their purpose!

Growing up in the late 60's and early 70's, i think the thing that stands out the most to me are the black actors and actresses that took to the "silver screen"! It was a "new thing" to have so many Black people playing the main roles... the strong, take-no-trash man or woman who takes charge and saves the day! When i was a kid, seeing these men and women in these roles had a profound effect on me. For as strange as it might seem Sidney Poitier, Harry Belafonte, Ruby Dee, Ossie Davis, Pam Grier, Billy Dee Williams, Cicely Tyson, Jim Brown and many others helped me see that the sky was the limit! It was possible (if i wanted) to do the same thing they were doing... i mean, maybe not literally as a cowboy in the Old West like in Buck and the Preacher but... you know what i mean!

Of course many of the movies these pioneers were starring in had a sub-plot involving the insidiousness of bigotry or racism. But the really cool thing is that no matter what other obstacles their characters encountered they typically found a way to overcome those obstacles and teach strong lessons about doing what was right or for the greater good.

Not to mention, these people were really, really good at their craft but even in the midst of all that they never took themselves out of the reach of people who live normal, everyday, 9 to5 lives. They may have taken political or moral positions on issues but they tried to back up what they "preached" with how they lived. Not perfectly they might admit but it
made you want to be like them and that was (and is) essentially a good thing.


But at its' core, isn't that really what Black History is all about? Wanting to be like the people who have made a difference? Having an impact that last beyond the last time we draw breath here on earth? Fame is a flash in the pan... but fulfilling a purpose last for eternity...

Are We Still In America?!?

Went to Phoenix last week... leaving Midwest, dead of winter, below freezing temperatures for short sleeve weather was pretty nice! The only thing that would have made it better would have been to have my family be able to make the trip with me... but this time they couldn't...

i had the opportunity to hang out for a few days with a bunch of great people at the XP Summit. Folks from all over the country who serve their church staff in a capacity similar to mine... it was a great experience!

But i must admit the part of my little excursion out west that disturbed me and at the same time filled me with excitement me was a trip to Arizona Reservation Ministries. Having the opportunity to find a little bit more about what God is doing in Arizona was encouraging and challenging. I want to thank Dale & Diana Lawrence for allowing me to spend time with them, finding out exactly what the conditions on the ground are for the Apache people...

Let me just say i was both awed and humbled by what Diane and Jean (thanks so much!) drove me around to show me that day... with over 2 million acres of land, the San Carlos Apache reservation (total population of roughly 12,000) sits on the edge of Globe, Arizona. My mind was filled with questions as i saw up close and personal life on this particular reservation. i found myself thinking..."Are we still in America?!?" Especially given the following facts about life here....

• 77% unemployment
• Up to 20 or more people sharing one single-family home
• Many of the girls are having multiple children before they turn 18 years old
• Children begin abusing alcohol while still in grade school
  
• Growing resurgence of gang activity
  
• High instances of alcoholism and rampant methamphetamine use (80 "meth" babies were born here in 2008)
  

But in the midst of this God is working through the team at ARM, their ministry partners and supporters and many of the Apache themselves to bring hope to the Nation of the San Carlos Apache! Westbrook sent a group out west to work with ARM last summer and is planning on doing so again this summer.

The darkness cannot hold back the light, we are excited about strengthening our partnership with ARM, we pray they are excited as well!

Wow... a ton of Tiger!

i have not had much to say but have found myself wondering over the last several weeks... what's the big deal about Tiger Woods? i must admit to being a little shocked by what seems to be a generally across-the-board negative reaction to his, shall we say, indiscretions?!? Now perhaps i'd have a different take if he was married to my daughter, sister or friend... but seriously i wonder why is there such an overwhelmingly negative reaction?

• Is it driven by the shock of seeing the world's number one athlete using multiple women as nothing more than objects with which to feed his own voracious sexual desires?
• Is it driven by deep seated resentment of a ultra-wealthy guy who seemingly threw all common-sense to the wind and behaved in sexually irresponsible way?
• Is it driven by a disgust with a husband completely disregarding his own promise to remain faithful to the mother of his children?
• Is it driven by the image of a black man who, as it seems now, has a fairly narrow (and perhaps distorted) view of what "beauty" truly is?
• Is it driven by jealously, the thought "Gee, I wish I could do that... but I'd never be able to get away with it like he did/has/does?"

Not that it makes it right or ok but the fact is Tiger Woods has not done anything that many, many other people haven't already done... and that is, try to fill up the whole in our souls with garbage that will ultimately destroy us...


Technically, psychologically maybe there are other words, phrases and explanations assigned to what has happened with and what he is accused of having done but here is the heart of the matter for me... a family has been (again) forever impacted by a father's poor choices... it doesn't have to end this way however... but for now we wait to see what will ultimately happen.

Personally, my hope is, if i get to revisit this topic in the future the story will be very different and filled with promise.

Y2Ten...

For some reason i was laying in my bed the other night while it was as still as could be (considering it's Christmas time) throughout our home and my mind began wandering toward the fact that in just a few days it will be January 1st of 2010....

About that same time, i begin to think about what i was doing about ten years ago in December 1999, right before the arrival of January 1st of the year 2000...


okay, okay i admit it, i was a a little bit unsure about the whole "Y2K" thing.... and while i had not built a bunker in the back yard that was stocked with survivalist supplies, i did wonder what would happen...


i do know one thing, unlike December of 1999, i sensed the presence of God in my life and in our home the other night as i lay there in that dark bedroom... i could hear the radio in my youngest son's bedroom play some song that made a powerful statement about the importance of faith in Christ... i recognized how God had made it possible for my daughter and second oldest son to connect with other students their own respective ages who will be lifelong friends.... i felt pride swell in my heart as my oldest son, against all sorts of odds, makes his way through a university atmosphere learning what it means to truly live the faith he claims to possess...

And for what seemed to be the millionth time since we have been married to each other... i imagined (because i could not see remember? It was night time...) what my wife's incredible smile looked like when she is awake....

i don't remember much about about December 1999 but i do hope the image i just recalled stays with me for many more years to come...

Happy New Year.

Ho, Ho, Ho....

Well, here we go... Christmas time in Chicago!

There's nothing like it! Perhaps the thing i like about Christmas here is that it's filled with all sorts of memories...

Probably my most favorite memory is growing up in Park Forest and going to Blackhawk Junior High and Rich East High School. Even though i was pretty much a big cry-baby (that's another story for another blog)... i managed to survive the experience! The Christmas season was when we would have concerts and basketball games... i was better at the singing than the playing basketball by far!

i can still recall the smell of popcorn in the halls at East during the basketball season... people shuffling in from the cold, snowy, wet parking lot. The trees by the campus lagoon standing in the middle of a blanket of snow. i can remember thinking... "Man, i feel sorry for Roscoe (one of our janitors)... he is going to have to clean up this wet mess!"
The Christmas concerts with the Singing Rockets (that's what our upper-class Choral group was called) were always a great event as well. Mr. Ulreich would wear his tux during the sacred song portion of the program and would actually let us sing these great songs about the coming of Christ. The fun part was after the program when we would just get a chance as students to hang out...

Which frankly is what i look forward to most with my own family... just hanging out on Christmas eve... there will be home-made hot chocolate, new pajamas from Old Navy and probably "The Christmas Story", you remember....
Ralphie: No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!
Santa: You'll shoot your eye out, kid... Ho, Ho... Ho.

What About This World....

A really good friend of mine had a significant event occur in his life this week… it was (is) one of those events that causes me to stop a moment, take a pretty long and introspective look (i am really getting accomplished at that as i get older). What struck me the most about this particular event in the life of my friend is this (i’m also stealing the following thought from another friend)…

This world sucks….

Profound huh?

i know that is probably more than a bit strong for some of you reading this but it pretty much sums up life in a world that is ravaged by the effects of humans deciding to do things “my way”.

i would really like to say something else about the condition of the world but frankly this world sucks says it all. i would love to have something deeply profound and thought provoking to say other than that but this week, that is as good as it gets.

Thing is, i wonder if i am too tied to life in this world. That is another thought that came to me this week when i got the news about my friend. i was amazed at how angry i was that this happened to him. i found myself thinking… “Well, that is just not fair… that should have never happened to him”…

Oh sure, i spend a decent amount of time helping people understand that this life and world are temporary but when it gets right down to it, it takes things like what happened this week to remind me that i also am way too wrapped up in this life and not appropriately focused on the life to come. i am not talking about becoming “too heavenly minded and no earthly good”… rather i am talking about rediscovering in my own life the anticipation of looking forward to the day when life as it was originally intended to be experienced becomes the ultimate reality…

That's For You Get.....

Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now.... Lt. James Gordon (The Dark Night)

i think this line from the most recent Batman film sums up much of life... at least for me....

When i was a kid, my cousin Chris was a constant source of funny stuff... He was cute, always had something to say and was fast! In particular i recall one time when he had been teased by one of my other relatives, he got very angry and resentful and was looking for a way to exact his revenge. It didn't take long and when the person who had made fun of him finally got their comeuppance, my cousins' comment, instead of "That's what you get....", was "That's for you get!". And just like in the movie the Dark Knight, i believe we often get just what we deserve...

From our national political scene to life in our own churches, workplaces, neighborhoods and homes... i truly believe that there is a spiritual principle at work in situations when we get what we deserve... that's because i do believe our actions have consequences.... Most of us don't like to think about consequences, they tend to put a bit of a "damper" on our pursuit of the things we want... or at least the things we think we want.

For a few years i believed that the best thing that could happen to me and to my family was for me to to co-lead a church and instead of determining a way to make the most of the situation i was in at that time, seeking to be content and appreciative... i convinced myself that i really needed to make this change and frankly i got exactly what i deserved. And it wasn't all that great...

The whole idea of consequences tends to make us nervous... we'd like to think that we can do whatever we want to do and what happens after that is really irrelevant. However, human history shows that getting what we deserve often serves us well. If we are wise, we will allow consequences to reshape and refine us... making us into he people that we needed to be in the first place.

Hmmm... seems to me, now that i really think about, it my cousin Chris was on to something when he would snap back..."That's for you get!"

Long Overdue....

Amazing to think that exactly three months ago today was the last time i wrote in my blog. There have been a lot of things that have happened in those three months....

• Ruthie and i spent a night out in Ottawa, IL at "The River Loft"... just the two of us... it was very cool (thanks Mary)!
• Spent some time in Savannah, GA at an event for XP's at Savannah Christian Church... the event was worth it if only because i had dinner at "The Lady & Sons" (it is so NOT over rated)!
• Had an opportunity to travel to Louisville, KY for a convention, made a bunch of new connections and an invitation to submit a chapter for a book on diversity in the local church!
• Performed a wedding for a young man that i have known for almost twenty years... (Zach was really little when we first met and i was much younger)
• Watched my oldest son pack-up his room in anticipation of leaving for college, who for the first time in 15 years will not be "bunking" with his younger brother...
• Spoke with small group leaders about how to become great storytellers...
• Celebrated the birthday of the hottest woman i know just this week (this, of course, is the same person i spent some time with out in Ottawa, IL)....
• Ate Aurelio's Pizza at 1959 prices (their 50th anniversary).... a "Fiesta" size pepperoni & cheese pizza....$6.95!!!
  

With summer coming to an end there is a tinge of sadness but still, i am excited about the fall! There are so many new opportunities and challenges to look forward to in the next few months...

Yep, this was overdue and it's time to get back into the swing of things... i can hardly wait!

A Classy Kid & Classy Friends....

Well this past weekend we celebrated in a major way! Our Open House for Josiah's graduation from High School was more than a blast, it was humbling....



Our house was filled to overflowing as our friends and family gathered to congratulate this newest member of the class of 2009! Probably the thing that caught me off guard the most is all the people who were at this party from the various "eras" of our lives...

• From my High school days.... folks who in fact pretty much kept me on the straight and narrow path like Earl & Pat... who have known Josiah since he was about two years old!

• From our college days.... friends like Kim & Wade... friends who have modeled what it means to persevere through the curves that are part of this thing called life... again friends who have known Josiah since he was a baby...

• From our first ministry back here in the US... Sue Haynes who has loved on my kids since we first met her about 15 years ago...

• Friends like Ted & Jane... who have encouraged us and our children in ways too numerous to count... even when we felt like dorky parents their encouragement has carried us for miles....

• Marc & Beckie, who just about a year ago prepared to send their oldest off into the world... just like we will in a few months...

• Carol, Wally & Brian who for some strange reason continue to love our family unconditionally...

• Amado, Joy, Rick, Mindy, Rob, Dave, Mary, Jen, Kyle, Chris, Lisa, Jonatan, Cinthia, William, Tracie, Karla, Linda, Mont and Christie... people who are way more than "fellow staff" members and spouses... they are our family...

• My spiritual leaders who continue to hold my family up with their prayers... John, Harris & Tom...
  

• Our small group at Westbrook, who are attempting to make this journey with us and keep encouraging us every step of the way....

• There are a multitude of names i did not mention and for that i apologize... it's not that i didn't want to... there are just so many of you who have been a such a blessing to our family... thank you so very much!

Yep, it was a very special night for a very special young man, with folks who have been and continue to be very special people.... and i am not just saying that because he is my son...

i'm saying it because it's very true.

Multi-Ethnic Church Planting....

Last week i had the opportunity to participate in the National New Church Conference, otherwise known as Exponential... it was great! Under the banner of the Mosaix Global Network, my Senior pastor Mont Mitchell, along with Mosaic of Central Arkansas' Mark DeYMaz put together a teaching track on Multi-Ethnic Church planting.

The story behind our connection with Mark and Mosaix Global Network is pretty cool...
Our family over the past few years has traveled to different parts of the country and stayed in various resorts that are part of a network we first found out about from very good friends in Indianapolis. Over the past several years we have traveled to resorts in Florida, the Poconos, Fox Valley in Illinois and a few years back for the first time ever, we traveled to central Arkansas. We were thrilled to go to Arkansas because we knew we would be able to "sneak" school in on our kids, without them even knowing it! The part of Arkansas we were in was fairly close to Little Rock. In addition to being the capital of Arkansas, Little Rock was "ground zero" of the Civil Rights struggle in our nation back in the late 1950's. It was here that the Little Rock Nine entered the previously whites only Central High School on September 27th, 1957. We took some time to visit the school and tour the museum across the street that chronicled the history of the school and the role it played in the events of the fall of 1957.

As we were leaving the city of Little Rock that day to head back to our resort, we turned down Colonel Glenn road.... (ok, i'll admit it i had no idea where i was) and looking to my right, i recognized a sign advertising a church that i recalled seeing online. i had spent some time before we left on vacation looking for churches committed to multi-ethnic ministry and suddenly there was Mosaic of Central Arkansas! After freaking my family out due to the 90 degree turn at 40 miles per hour into their parking lot, i had the opportunity to meet Mark and several of his staff.

That ultimately led to a connection with Mosaix and a growing network of churches committed to multi-ethnic ministry! It has been a great connection and i am thrilled about the future of multi-ethnic ministry not just in our nation but around the world in the coming years!

A New Era....

A few weeks ago i wrote about A Long And Winding Road.... and now it seems that we have taken another turn (a good one) on that road....

Just this past week, Josiah, Ruthie and i (along with his future roommate Tyler Mitchell and his parents Mont & Christie) took a trip to Grand Rapids, Michigan for a Family Orientation Day at Cornerstone University and it was a great trip! Josiah had committed to attend Cornerstone University, sight unseen! Ask Josiah and the he will tell you that his deep admiration for their president, Dr. Joe Stowell, didn't hurt his decision at all either!

i must admit my own disappointment however... i mean seriously.... why Michigan? Florida... Southern Cali, Arizona.... now that would have been nice... but Michigan?!? i know they have Cherries and Blueberries and stuff like that but they also have a whole lot of SNOW!

i on the other hand told Ruthie that at one point in the day, i was sitting in the chapel service while the student led worship was taking place and let my mind begin to wander.... i wondered about how incredible it was that we were sitting on this campus, preparing to release our son into this environment. An environment he would have never considered as a viable possibility as little as five years ago.... as a matter of fact five years ago our family was in a place that could have seriously hindered his decision to become part of a university like this one.

So here we are on the edge of a new era... i recall with crystal clarity standing in Jon's driveway as we prepared to drive over six hours to our college of choice in Missouri. As Jon got ready to leave the last person he saw at the door was his dad. With the car packed to the "gills" he said goodbye to his dad and gave him kiss on the lips. i recall distinctly thinking to myself... one day I want to have a son that i can send off to college with a kiss on the lips... i just didn't think it would come so soon.

A Suzy-What?

It's been a while since i have written anything here.... no real reason other than a short hiatus that was long overdue... i was talking with someone just last night who asked me how the blogging was coming along.... someone else spoke up and said it's hard to keep up with it... i remarked that i had plenty to say... i just wasn't ready to get it on the blog!

Quick question... how many of you out there know the difference between a contract and a covenant? Go ahead... raise your hands... to be honest I hadn't really thought about it too much at least not in the last 25 years...

The last time i learned about what a contract is... probably around 1986... i learned about the Suzerain-Vassel treaty of the late bronze age (nice huh?!?). See the deal is, the "suzerain" is the king... the one who promises to do the "stuff" and the vassel... well the vassel is the person (or persons) who isn't the king. Basically the treaty or the contract is for the benefit of the king (of course that's who has the power) and not the vassel. All of that to say contracts have a way of working out well for one of the parties involved and disastrous for the other. There is built-in animosity and potential distrust.

Covenants on the other hand are about a relationship. The desire in a covenant relationship is to work toward understanding... not the contractual "take/take" or what-can-I-get-out-of-this-relationship but rather a "give/give", how can we "work-this-thing-out? By the way, the covenant relationship is far more satisfying and fulfilling. This is actually the way God chooses to deal with us, the fact that He does this says volumes about who He is.

So here is my question... How do most of us live out our closest relationships... with our friends or our children or with our spouses? My suspicion is that if we were really honest, too many of us think we are the suzerain and everyone else is a vassel.

A little transparency....

Gotta be honest... i have been seriously considering calling the blogging thing quits.... i haven't written in a few weeks just to see if i would get any emails or inquiries about the blog...

If you don't know it, there is a way i can check and see what the "traffic" is like in terms of people reading my blog and quite frankly the numbers are way less than impressive... not that numbers are the most important thing but they do mean something and what the numbers mean right now is that i need to make some changes or stop writing all together.

Interestingly enough though, i had someone say to me just this past week..."and don't think that no one is reading your blog, i read it every week..."

At any rate, i am excited about having the opportunity last week to take about 50 people through the Inventory of Spiritual Emotional Health from the book "The Emotionally Healthy Church"... it was interesting as we spent time discussing the results of the inventory and the issue of the "sore spot"... many people were deeply moved and many of us realized that we have some "work" to do in order to go from humans doing to simply human beings.
The adventure never ends!

What Did You Just Say?!?

Are we really "cowards"?

Is it truly that "everyone" is cowardly?

Is it fatigue...

Is it frustration...

Is it disgust...

Is it confusion...

Is it denial...

Is it anger...

Is it shame...

Well, it's 2009 and it seems in many ways we aren't much further along, in terms of having difference making discussions than we were in 1969...

Please notice, i didn't say we weren't further along in terms of legal rights or equal access, much of that has been addressed (rightly so) through state and federal legislatures and our court system...

But there is something still "missing".....

But then again, maybe the attorney general has a point....

What do you think?